so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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