My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
