i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
