Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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