I can tuck mytits in my pants
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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