3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize