"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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