why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
