Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
