grandma shit on top of the toilet
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
