thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
