Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
