Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize