Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
