Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
