I wish I could teleport
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
that is very illegal...i love you.
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