if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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