I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize