why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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