Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
