I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
