haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
