so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
