I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't deserve a penis
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
