she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
