Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
