omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found your dick twin last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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