yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
