They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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