He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
