Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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