Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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