I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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