I cockslap morals
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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