By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
