i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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