His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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