She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
