next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
