that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
