So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
