I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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