did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
