Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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