This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
