That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
