i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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