I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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