How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
