i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
