Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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