they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize