wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
