Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He did a backflip because drugs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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