I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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