so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
