haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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