You can't special order awesome
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
