How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize