If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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