Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
