some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
