why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
as a side note pls kill me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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