We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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