I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
