Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
