Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I pour the whiskey from now on
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
