i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
