tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize