Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
