i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
