Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
