Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
