the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
