You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
