shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The adults are the big ones right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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