this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
