Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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