if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
