I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
