i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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