I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And then he peed in my hair
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
