after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
