DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
