What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
