apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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