best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
