I think I am morally bankrupt
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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