Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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