How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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