Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize