True but thats because hes a fetus.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
