my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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