you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
